Ever Think, “There’s Got To Be Something More?” You’re Right, There Is…

If you want more meaning in your life, give. YOU are the only one who can bring “something more” into your experience. As we expect the world to provide us with fulfillment, we miss the point of Life. We are here to create our own fulfillment. And fulfillment does not come from material things, it comes from enriching Life–ALL LIFE. As we enrich our lives, we enrich others’s lives too… not with a mission of saving anyone–because only they can bring “something more” into their own experience, too, but just with a mission of revealing our inherent Nature, which is happiness.

If your job is not satisfying, consider that it may not be the job but your resistance to the job, to a coworker, to your boss, or to the idea of working. Where there is resistance, there is fear. What is the fear? Does it show up in other areas of your life? If yes, then it’s not the job that’s the problem… this fear will keep resurfacing as a an invitation to deal with it head on and see it for the illusion it is. What would your life look like without that fear? Can you think of one healthy, peaceful reason to hold on to that fear? Then bless it and let it be. It is a learned condition, and it no longer serves you.

The same holds true in all areas of our lives. We see it most in relationships. Where there is withholding in a relationship, there is a power struggle. Under the power struggle there is… fear.  If you want your romantic relationship to be deeply real and wildly intimate like it was in the beginning, then BE deeply real and wildly intimate… not just once or twice to test the waters, but all the time. Your mate will either show up and meet you there or not, but to demand a deeply real and wildly intimate relationship of your mate first is unfair. And if you’re demanding that of your mate–notice the pattern–where else are you expecting the world to deliver the goods first?

As you take responsibility for your experience in every area of your life, your happiness–which is our inherent Nature when we live authentically–will bloom and grow.

Your happiness will empower others to do the same… and that is how it propagates entire families and communities. Happiness is always an inside job. We can only change ourselves and encourage others that they’re on the right path (and only they know what the right path is for them). When we tell others they are wise, capable, full of potential, and facing dozens of wondrous opportunities, even if they don’t see them yet, we are BEING LOVE and creating safe space for them to empower themselves to live authentically.

People let down their armor when they feel safe. “It is easier to get a man to remove his coat with a warm sun than a cold, biting wind.” Be wholly loving to yourself and the inspirational powerhouse you already are will expand into “more…” and yet more.

AFFIRMATION:

Today, I choose to give myself what I may be expecting or think I require from another; as I do so, I free up our relationship for wildly greater levels of Love, Harmony, Peace, and Joy.

© Gretchen Kennedy, RScP  |   http://www.gretchenkennedy.me

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The Work (an adapted worksheet on Releasing Negativity)

Adapted from “The Work” by Byron Katie

Shifting relationships is all about shifting YOU. The goal is that YOU feel better. Anger and resentment are like taking poison hoping the other person will suffer. This tool helps us release negativity and move on in a genuine and healthy way.

Instructions: Fill in the blanks below, writing about someone (dead or alive) you haven’t yet forgiven 100 percent. Use short, simple sentences. Don’t censor yourself—try to fully experience the situation as if it were occurring right now. Take this opportunity to express your judgments on paper.

1. What is it that the person you are angry at should or shouldn’t do, be, think, or feel? What advice could you offer?
(Name)___________________ should/shouldn’t ________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Example: Paul should pull his weight. He shouldn’t argue with me.

2. What do they need to do in order for you to be happy?
I need (Name)__________________ to ________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Example: I need Paul to step up in this relationship. I need Paul to respect me.

3. What do you think of them? Make a list.
(Name)_____________________ is ___________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________________
Example: Paul is unfair, arrogant, lazy, inconsiderate, and unconscious.

The Four Questions
1. Is it true? (The answer is a simple yes or no. There is no, “Well, in this situation…” If it is “no” go to #3)

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

3. How do you react, what happens, how do you treat others and yourself, when you believe that thought? Can you find a single, stress-free reason to keep that thought?

4. Who or what would you be without the thought?

Turning It Around
Knowing that relationships present a perfect mirror of ourselves, we can fully shift our negativity when we understand how we are triggered by things others do which are the very things we judge most in ourselves.

The Turnaround:
Taking the above judgments, turn the thought around (original thought: Paul doesn’t respect me):

a) To the self (I don’t respect me) – Could that be as true or truer?

b) To the other (I don’t respect Paul) – Could that be as true or truer?

c) To the opposite (Paul does respect me) – Could that be as true or truer?

When dealing with an object/ condition, you can replace the object with “my thinking” or “my thoughts.”

Find 2-3 genuine and specific examples of how each turnaround is true in your life (i.e. Paul not only respects me, he has empowered me to go back and get my degree, and he regularly makes considerable sacrifices so I can do that. And he has really taken over all responsibilities in some important areas, like he has been doing all the cooking lately… healthy cooking, too… and all this eating at home saves us a lot of money).

More About The Work
When You Want to Defend Yourself… Do The Work!

Defense is the first act of war.

If Paul says, “You’re wrong!” and you react with, “How can you possibly say that?” or, “I can prove that I’m right, and here’s why,” or, No, you are wrong, and I think you’re rude”—and even if you don’t say it out loud, maybe you think it, that is also stressful—and that’s the moment you’ve started the war, even if it’s a silent war festering inside of you.

When you want to defend yourself, it’s time to do The Work.

The Work allows us to consider other possibilities than our own judgmental thoughts. It shows the mind what is as true or truer than the original thought. People usually find that the Turnaround is as true or truer than the stressful thought they began with.
In doing The Work, it’s not about having others change for you, it’s about you taking responsibility and staying in your own business.

Stay focused on the changes you can create! When you take away the negative thoughts and judgments, you open yourself to being altogether different…. and meeting this person from there, full of possibility.

Find free worksheets and other tools at http://www.thework.com.